Consequences of a Hijacked Account
by Angst Equinox
Summary: Meh. Got inspired after I pulled this on another author. It's also a parody of xxxbloodyrists666xxx's My Immortal fic. I await for the real Angst Equinox to scream in horror.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. And I am not Angst Equinox. only someone who broke into his account for the fun of it. The purpose of this fic is to make Angst Equinox cringe over the crap I'm going to place in his account, and make fun of xxxbloodyrist666'sxxx infamously Satan-awful fic (with blatant plagiarizing in between bits), My Immortal, at the same time. Enjoy. Or click the back button. Your choice.

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My name is Post Vivec Gary Stu Dramione Shipping Angst Equinox. I have long black hair, but not long enough to make me girly. In my ebony black hair, I have purple streaks in there with red tips at the end. I also have intense blue eyes that I really doubt the real Angst Equinox has but it's a necessity if he's going to be a decent enough Gary Stu. I'm not related to Christopher Paolini but I wish he was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I'm forteen years old but somehow have playboy models knocking at my door. I'm goffik, so that means I'm sorta this emo spin off where I'm not really hardcore but I act like I am. I still like to slit my wrists though. And, like all my other imaginary goffik friends, I hate preps with a passion. A few of them stared at me, but I just gave them the finger.

"Hey Post!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….Jack Sparrow.

"What's up, Jack?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it had it had the words 'MAOI reigns supreme' written all over it.

I put on totally goffik clothes. (Too lazy to go into the clothing detail.)

My friend, Sam Sentynel, woke up then grinned me. (For some reason, we live in the same house.)

"Dude, I saw ya talking to Jack yesterday." he said excitedly.

"Yeah. So?" I said blushing.

"Do you like him?" Sent asked, as we walked out to greet the day.

"No I fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah, right." He exclaimed. Just then, Jack Sparrow walked up to me.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

Coruscate Corruption will be on the Black Pearl giving us all a speech about the beautiful ways of Dramione.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Dramione! It's my favorite ship!

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

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On the night of the concert I dressed up myself perfectly poser!goth style. Once again, I should be spending a long paragragh describing exactly what the Stu is wearing, but I'm too lazy.

I went outside, and there Jack Sparrow was, wearing a shirt that had the word Leather and Librarians pwns written all over it.

"Hi Jack." I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Post." He said back.

We walked to his kick ass black porsche, where Good Charlotte, My Chemical Romance, Hilary Duf-I mean, and Marilyn Mansion was being played on the radio. We smoked cigarettes and drugs. When, we arrived, we hopped out of the car and went to the Black Pearl.

When we arrived, we saw Draco and Hermione making out. We screamed in excitment until we realized what they were wearing. Hermione was decked out in Hollister and Draco Abercrombie and Fitch. We screamed in horror.

We ran to his Porsche, he turned in the ignition, and I thought he was going to take me out to eat or something. Instead he drove the car onto this big ass ship so grand and massive that kicked ass on the Black Pearl.

"JACK!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Jack didn't say anything but he walked out of the car slowly and silently. Curiously, I walked out of the car too.

"What the fuck?" I asked, angry.

Jack leaned in extra close I looked into his out of character, youthful, thirteen year old face.

"Post?" He asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Just then, it occured to me how much sorrow was chisled into his features.

And...suddenly we just started making out for no reason. He climbed on top of me, and we lied there on the deck. Clothes started flying everywhere and he put (the infamous line) his thingy in my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"OH! Oh!" I screamed. And then...(here come another famous line I have stolen)

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Gasps. IT WAZ WILL TURNER!! ZOMG!!

Will Turner made us follow him all the way back to his place.

"You ludacris fools!" He shouted. "Having sexual intercourse! On my ship no less!"

I started to (a third infamous line) cry tears of blood.

Liz (the OOC name for Elizabeth) came gasping into the room. "Sexual intercourse!? Who!?"

Her gaze started to fix on us.

"MEDIOCORE DUNCES!!" She shouted, overreacting.

"Why did you do it?" Demanded William.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!!" Jack shrieked.

Everyone became quiet after that. They looked angry but said that we were allowed to go back on their ship tomorrow and collect our clothes. (Me and Jack were still stark naked you see.)

"Are you okay?" Jack asked when we were out of ear shot.

"Yeah," I lied.

"No, you're not." He sighed. "Hey, wanna spend then night at my place."

"Sure," I replied shyly, "let's go then."

We were too tired to do anything too naughty. So we just spent the night cuddling.


	2. Chapter 2

…

MS word lay open before her, and the keyboard was ready. What vile heresies against the holy hammer and Divine JJ will she sprout today? What new defilement will she visit upon the account today?

"Hmmm…"

But, alas, the mind lay blank.

"Hmmm… hammers…"

Inspiration was a fickle thing.

"Weird sex fetish with Sentynel?... Nah."

Very Fickle.

Type Type Type.

"……"

"Damm, Writer's block."

The dreaded destroyer had claimed her and she thought of a way out.

Very calmly.

"Hmmmm… Well, there's only one thing to do now…"

And, of course, we all know how to do deal with Writer's block. She soon arrived in a very tall bookshelf.

"Yeah, he stashed those hustlers up there, I think."

It's not plagiarism, it's another type of inspiration.

And, so she stretched upwards, up and up some more!

"……"

Soon the magazines would be within her grasp!

"…Damm."

Or not.

"Where's the ladder?"

Out the back.

"Meh, forget it."

And back to word.

"……"

Well, we all have off days, haven't we?

"Hammers…"

Her thoughts were adrift, school, shipping, her writer's block, shipping, Christmas, Shippping…

And, finally, to the toolbox in the closet.

"…Meh."

She fidgeted.

"There's only one way to find out."

And moved.

…


End file.
